I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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