if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
