I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
