I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Randomize
