I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize