I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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