I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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