I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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