woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
