Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
