How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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