JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
