apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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