Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
