why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
