Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize