Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
