I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
