If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
