Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize