she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Where is the hickey?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
