Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
false alarm, still single
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
