so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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