hotel room ftw
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
