If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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