they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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