My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just high enough for therapy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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