the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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