I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
