Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
