He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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