i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think people are normalizing furries
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
