a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize