Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
