ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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