the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
