Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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