just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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