so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
