im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize