I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
