definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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