you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
