Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
