dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
