at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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