Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
