OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
