why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
