Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
