Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
