apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
