remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
