he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
