haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm both gender and math confused
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
