my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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