Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
