K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
