the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize