I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
