did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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