The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize