I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize