Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
