Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
