Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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