I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
