Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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