hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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