The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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