he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
