doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
