oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
