you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
