Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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