Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
