I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You took a bar mat shot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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