Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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