I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
