and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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