I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
