You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
