Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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