goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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