ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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