This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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