watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
