Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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