i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just tell him i said nine months
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
