1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
