I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
