Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
