I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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