so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize