I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
