The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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