I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize