This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
