The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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