So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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