Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize